Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
