shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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