the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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