I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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