dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
