It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
