You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
So many bounce houses so little time
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
