Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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