Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
