Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
