you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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