we're chasing vodka with high fives
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
