All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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