Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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