Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize