her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
