these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Two words: nipple clamps
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