It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
