i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
