I wish I could teleport
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize