My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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