And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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