if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
