Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
