Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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