I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize