the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Actions speak louder than pants.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
