life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
My feet surprised me
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
