she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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