I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
