He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It's never too late to be topless.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
