I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
