She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
