He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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