I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
