I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I could fuck to npr.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
