It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize