There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
