I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
