those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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