He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
