He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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