put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
