don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
