So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
