But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
