I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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