I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
