I CAN MOONWALK!
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
