Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
