I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
