I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
