Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
