yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
