im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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