Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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