Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
