maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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