remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
