i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Come share oat with me in your robe
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
