I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
