you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
