Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
