I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
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