god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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