Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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