Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
