Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
